Southern Bread

I’m going to do one of those game logs for this one. I’m watching it about 2 hours behind on DVR:

-Jim Tressel must have painted that sweater on. That’s gross. Hey Jim, you know they come in other sizes besides petite small.

-Wow, Ohio State took the opening kickoff 93 yards for a TD. Florida has to respond with some points to show OSU that they can’t just own them.

-Florida responds with a great return, to which OSU counters with the most horrible face mask I’ve ever seen.

-Florida just had a great, methodical drive down the field and capped it off with 7 points. This thing looks like a shootout already. OSU looks rusty on defense. Tebow ran one up the gut for about 8 yards.

-Oh crap. It’s a Pac-10 ref. crew. I hope Bob Stoops isn’t there.

-OSU: 5 yard return. Urban Meyer must have found the kicker and reminded him not to kick it to the fastest guy in America again. I bet he was nice about it too.

-3-and-out! Man, the defensive speed of Florida just shut down OSU. That and the fact that Florida is crushing OSU’s receivers at the line.

-Florida has good field position again after a late hit on the punt-return. They should really cash this in and make a statement to OSU.

-I hate Tebow.

-TD Florida!! Percy Harvin scored on an option pitch. That dude is a freak. It’s so not fair that he is a freshman. I hate him too.

-Oh no. The Pac-10 crew is reviewing the TD. We all know their wonderful track record.

-LOLOLOL!!!! That review was so wrong. He was down a full yard from the goal line. How in the world did the Pac-10 get to work this game after the debacle at Oregon. LOL!

-Well, it took 11 minutes but OSU finally has a first down. Good job guys.

-Uh oh, Ted Ginn is going to the locker room.

-Ok. Case closed. The SEC has the fastest defenses in the country. A Florida defensive end just ran down Troy Smith from behind.

-Interception!!! Florida’s defensive line is running Troy Smith ragged. That was a pressure sack. You can tell that Smith isn’t used to this kind of pressure.

-This is sick. Florida is ripping OSU a new one. They have 105 yards to OSU’s 11. I might get to sleep at a decent hour after all. One more TD and it’s hello Seinfeld reruns on TBS.

-I knew I should have bought some jocky strap stock before this game started. Percy Harvin just left a road of them down the field of them on a reverse.

-I hate Tebow, but I love Tivo. No commercials for me tonight.

-Dang. Another touchdown. Florida has them 21-7 at the start of the second quarter. Here comes the 51 days off talk by the pundits.

-Maybe Ted Ginn, Jr. can throw the ball to himself or something. Troy Smith just got drilled despite the fact that the defender was being held like crazy.

-The Pac-2 crew strikes again. That roughing-the-passer call was weak.

-Here goes Pittman for an OSU TD. That was a sweet run. 21-14 UF.

-Barry Alvarez is calling him Urban Meyers. Isn’t the coaches name the first thing you should memorize when calling a game? I bet he calls him President Boosh.

-Gosh. Leak is on fire right now. Tick, tick, tick. Just counting down ’til the time when the real Leak will come out of hiding and throw some atrocious interceptions.

-That big blue rockem-sockem robot on the Toyota commercial is killing me right now. That thing is freakin’ me out.

-This might be a game after all. OSU forced a punt. YAAAAAYY!

-OSU comes back and has a 3 and out. Florida’s defense has a clear advantage at this point.

-Deshaun Wynn has got to learn not to run backwards. Backwards is bad.

-OSU’s defense already looks tired. Hands on hips isn’t a good sign in the second quarter. Florida has held the ball for almost 20 minutes already.

-Ok. Florida is destined ot win this game. Their kicker is 4 of 13 for the season and just nailed a 43 yarder to the wall and made it look effortless.

-Total Yards, Florida: 209 / OSU:69

-Wow!!! Florida just stopped them twice on 3rd and 1 and 4th and 1. Florida’s defensive line is playing lights out. Florida should really step on their throat right now if they want to control the second half.

-The worst kicker in America just made #2. The planets are aligned for UF.

-Troy Smith got sacked and put it on the turf. Florida picked it up and has it on the 4 yard line. Troy Smith just hasn’t seen this kind of speed before. He is getting run down from behind by linemen.

-Touchdown Florida!! It’s 34-14 UF. OSU’s defense is blowing. There were about 3 wide open receivers on that play.

-Halftime…

-Second half kickoff. Does ESPN have Kirk Herbstreit on suicide watch?

-To add insult to injury, Florida gets the ball back to start the half. Here comes the UF self-destruction. First two plays are a botched snap and a false start.

-OSU held them to 3 and out and then Florida kicked a terrible punt. If Florida lets up they will lose. Same as the Auburn game.

-Earl Everett just sacked Troy Smith without a helmet on. OSU’s O-line just cannot handle Florida’s front four. Maybe Troy can cut out early and attend a Heisman function or something.

-Ted Ginn is on crutches now. That’s too bad. Who knew losing your wide receiver would make your offensive line stink. He looks like a q-tip with that white spandex cap on his head.

-You knew that was coming. Holding on OSU. The story of this game is Florida’s defensive front four owning OSU’s o-line. That, and Eddie George’s suit.

-Man, OSU might as well not even have an o-line. Florida is dismantling the pocket as soon as the ball is snapped.

-Now OSU’s defense is starting to break down. That time-of-posession is starting to take it’s toll on them. Florida’s receivers aren’t getting touched off the line.

-Why is the camera man keeping the camera on Laurenitis when it’s obvious he got racked up. Let the poor guy suffer in peace.

-Another sack.

-My goodness. Percy Harvin just left 5 more jockey straps on the field. He could make a hammock from all the jockeys he’s collecting.

-Tebow gets another TD. There’s 10 minutes left in the game and OSU still hasn’t gotten 100 yards of offense. LOL! This game is over. Go SEC!!!! This should shut the Michigan fans up for good.